Monday, April 21

banging and slanging

I'm one of those people who is too white and too geeky to be able to use much slang without it coming off as a joke. I've always acted like it was no big deal and slang is stupid but secretly I've always been really jealous.
British people saying, "hurrah" like its not completely hilarious and black people saying, "he was all up in my business" in a way that does not imply entrepreneurship. Because of this little slang thing I think I pay more attention to it than most, I dont use the phrases, but I file them away in my mind under D for "Damnit"

Auckland tends to have it's own little dialect of slang, which either slowly filters its way down the country or, more often, stays within the city and dies within a few months. Actually the south island has some great slang too, (I had never heard the words saveloy, Whare-whare, or slapper until I moved down south)
Past slangs of Auckland that have lived out their time and now live in the slang graveyard waiting to be resurrected when they are appropriately kitchy include;
Blues - meaning 'thats cruel'
Dry - an unfunny joke
Ruthless - used similar to extreme, or 'mean' which is more commonly used
OTL - 'Only The Lonely' a label put on someone who is a loner
FOB - 'Fresh Off the Boat' someone who isn't hip to slick city ways. Naive.

Slang that Aucklanders commonly use but which hasn't filtered it's way down yet include:
Buzzy - the new 'random' (remember when people actually wouldn't stop saying that?) means that something is weird or odd. I think I've heard this in wellington a bit, but not in the south island yet.
Scene - It's more of a social group, and it totally started in the states, I know, but people are starting to differentiate the scenesters from the emos which is sort of new.
Lol - I can't actually verify if this is common, but I have heard some teenagers saying lol conversationally. Yes I know how stupid that is.
I will update this list once I remember/come across some more, but buzzy is a big one, it's been going strong for a few years here and to my knowledge isn't very common elsewhere around the country.
In conclusion, I wish I could say slang without it sounding really condescending and sarcastic. I know everything I say sort of sounds sarcastic and thats sort of my thing, but dang it, I just want to share the slang.

Saturday, April 19


so imagine getiing fucked by Jan Nortje? the 6'11 mixed martial artist dude? You would actually get turned inside out and smooshed. His rub jet would be ginormous.
eww rub jet. yucky.
is it hippyish if I really like the peace symbol?
I am watching that matt and mark show and it is actually getting a few laughs from me. not many, but a couple.
his sushi was rolled too hard. Mmm but man I want some sushi right now.
they're eating wasabi - I am good at those dares. I think maybe just because I just like doing dares. I wish fingernails grew faster. That would be sweet.

Saturday, April 12

kitteh in my photoshoot


I smoked salvia yesterday. I held the smoke in my lungs until my throat went tight - I exhaled and waited.
Nothing's happening, I thought as a hard feeling swelled up and into the room like a tide. My arms felt it last and strongest and I laughed as I realised what it felt like; I felt like I was made of wood - no, the whole room was made of wood. I concentrated on my arms again and the feeling became more specific, they were the bow of a ship. I was part of a pirate ship. Then just as quickly as the tide had risen up it fell away again and everything went back to normal.
Very odd, very silly, very interesting.

Wednesday, April 9

writers on the storm

I made a bong and theres only one thing wrong with it; It's the worlds most marvelous bong.
I'm now twenty years old and it sounds so official, like now I've suddenly hit something and I knew I was going to hit it, but was still surprised after I did. I think one thing will be handy, people will no be embarrassed to be talking to me and suddenly realize that I'm _only_ 18 or 19, after asking me if I can recommend a good daycare, or hitting on me. I am in the club, the adult club. No longer am I _only_ my age, I _am_ twenty.
Try saying it, "she's only twenty" - doesn't sound right, does it?

Imagine if the drinking age went up to 21?
"You can't buy this booze, you're only twenty!"

Weird, eh?
So yeah, it's my birthday and I have crafted the worlds most marvelous bong. The radio is playing and the cat is nom nom nomming in the corner.
My sister just texts me and I automatically read it in my head in an asian accent. I like giving people weird accents in my head. Does anyone else ever do that?

I started off noticing that I read texts in my head in a robotic accent, as if my phone was reading it out to me in a robot voice - it just sort of progressed to me imagining people reading the text to me in different accents.

Monday, March 17

So I guess I havent

Posted in a while. Sorries all 'round to my two loyal readers. I live in Auckland now, it's so tropical up here, all hot and humid and the plants are different, you actually remember that NZ is a pacific island up here (resisting temptation to mention all the pacific islanders). You really feel the inner city pressure up here, I don't know if it's all the waking up at 7am, not having a job or any money, or if it's just something about razzle dazzle Auckland being a big mean city, but it's fully stress central up here. I can understand why no-one likes Aucklanders, they're mean. I am used to south island laid back hospitality and lower north white middle-class arty people (wellington dresses much better than Auckland, I recall noting that on a high school field trip, but now can verify that it is true).
Anyway, I have to wake up at seven and hustle my bustle in the big city. Makes me appreciate small towns, they are the shit. Or maybe Auckland just sucks... Hmm people have been telling me something similar about auckland for years..

Monday, December 10

pay up

dear people who owe me money,
pay up dudes.

Sarah D.

With an alias like Sarah Dollars, you'd think I'd be figuratively rolling in it (I also like to think this), however that is not the case. Give me what you owe and perhaps I will spare you or at least kill you quickly and with a minimum of pain.

Sunday, December 9

I'm beat

Okay, so I have finished moving in with my boyfriend. My rabbit, my plant, my underwear ; it's all here and I'm just sitting here on his laptop taking it all in.
It's a nice place, really, but his (our) flatmates are pretty weird.

Theres this one who is never around - in fact he may not even exist, all I ever hear of him is 40 minute long jerk-off showers and the sound of him creeping up the stairway in the dark. He comes home at about 11pm and jerks off in the shower, then he goes to bed and leaves in the morning before anyone is awake.
Once I came out of the bathroom just as he was about to knock on the door - he turned around and darted back into his room, all I saw of him was a swish of lankiness, not even a good look at him ; he should hope he never needs an alibi. I certainly couldnt verify his whereabouts.

Then theres the one who catches bumble bees in a jar and was very excited about my bunny moving in. He's 27 or so, probably the most normal of the bunch.

Finally theres Baba yaga the babushka. I can't even explain the many nuances of her strangeness, she keeps her soap in a glad-bag in the shower and her disposable razor always has its little cap on. Her hobbies include baking breads of the world (badly) and being a tosspot.
Her room is a disaster zone and as far as I can see she doesn't keep a very tidy house, but she insists the lid of the communal flour be pressed down at all four corners to ensure a proper seal and keeping the(toilet trained)rabbit in the living room is unacceptable - as is throwing away the plastic salt shaker when it's empty (not flushing her gross floaters is okay).
She also looks and dresses like a witch, so yeah, she's a little odd.